How do you tactfully break up with someone who just doesn't seem to ';get it';?

I've been with my current boyfriend for over five years. We started out as friends and I would have been fine with it remaining that way but he wanted to be more than that and I stupidly went along with it. I should have known better. I am no longer physically attracted to him, as he has allowed himself to get really out of shape (whilst I have worked hard to stay healthy), and he treats me like I'm not worth giving the time of day and still expects me to want to have sex daily (which I refuse to do, as his behavior is repulsive to me). It's like having sex with your disgusting, smelly older brother or something. SICK. I have a home, it's MY HOUSE, and this guy has been living here and contributing to the bills but now I want him out, and he seems to think he can lay some sort of claim due to his contributions over the years. So he won't leave! I have told him I want to break up and he laughs it off and then carries on like I never said it.





Recently I have met someone else. He is probably the most attractive man I've ever encountered in real life, hands down, physically and otherwise. He is a dead ringer for an actor I've been in love with for years, and he is sweet and funny and great to talk to. Anytime he comes around, I can barely contain myself because I have such a terrible crush on him. I can tell he is interested as well, and the tension between us is brutal. However, at this point, I refuse to ';cheat'; on my current boyfriend for fear he will retaliate somehow. I have the feeling that my willpower won't hold out too much longer, though.





My boyfriend is totally aware of my attraction to this other man. So much so that he has informed me that if he ever encounters him alone, he will kill him or at least beat him up. The other day as he was leaving, he said, ';I'm going to go find [loverboy's] parents and strangle them for having him in the first place.'; He laughed afterwards but these are the kinds of things he likes to say. He told me he can't watch a movie with the actor he resembles in it anymore because it makes him homicidal.





So what I want to know is, do I owe my boyfriend anything for paying some of the bills for the past few years? And how do I get rid of him without him coming back and causing problems for me or for this guy I like now? I REALLY do not want to have to get the police involved or anything like that! I don't know if this guy will want to get into a relationship with me if he thinks my freako ex will harrass us or worse.





Any advice?How do you tactfully break up with someone who just doesn't seem to ';get it';?
If your boyfriend lived with you, then he owed you part of the bills for his own upkeep. You do not owe him anything. Do not let him laugh you off. Turn off the TV, eliminate all distractions, sit down with him and tell him that you no longer want to be involved with him, your relationship is over, and he must leave your home within 30 days (only because the law requires you to give a tenant this much notice). I know you don't want to get the police involved, but you may have to, depending on how serious this guy is about staying or hurting your crush. If he does not leave, file eviction papers against him. Then regardless of anything else, get a restraining order against him just in case he shows up again. Talk about how he refused to leave and said he wanted to kill your friend and his parents, and felt homicidal at the sight of the actor, to show that he is unstable and potentially dangerous, and you should be able to get it.How do you tactfully break up with someone who just doesn't seem to ';get it';?
It seems you need to solve one problem at a time. Break up with the boyfriend. (Tactful? Why, just be honest that you no longer want a relationship or to live together, or to see him). That being finished and over, concentrate on the new one.


You are right, a normal intelligent man is not going to want to be mixed up with the mess you are in. He should RUN to the nearest exit, never to return. But if you take care of the current bf first, then you can move on with life.
you can always give him a legal eviction notice. he has to leave in the allotted time. if he doesn't the police will make him leave. as for him helping with bills, he was living there right? he should have helped. you don't owe him anything for that. by the way, good for you not wanting to cheat even though you don't love him or anything.
I think you can give him a reasonable amount of time in which that he should get together his possessions and some money to rent a new place and then at the end of the time you tell him, then he must get out. He should not owe you and hopefully if it is peaceful there will be no reaction of violent from him.