How do you break up with someone you still love?

As a bit of background, i have been with my girlfriend for 5yrs, and living together for the past 3. We met in school, and moved to university together, which she is still studying here final year of. I still love her so much, but recently have not been feeling happy.





It's been a tough year, i've suffered a few family problems as well as a few close family deaths. I've found some of these really hard to deal with, and they have been bringing my mood right down, which has been putting strain on our relationship.





She talks about the future, how she wants to get married soon. Im not ready.


I talk about children, and being a dad, she doesn't feel the samabout being a mum.





I love her, but have been realising recently she is my best friend, rather than partner. I think it's the same for her but she has not realised. She suffers from depression, so i dont want to cause unessacary grief, and i dont want to lose her from my life. But i dont know what to do?How do you break up with someone you still love?
Are you sure that you don't really love her but you're just going through a rough patch? I mean, who can expect you to be happy in such a difficult time of loss? By the way, I'm sorry for all the losses that you've suffered with death in your world. :-( I know that it really works your emotions over, so I'm just wondering if you're not that happy right now because of all that, not necessarily because of your girlfriend.





If you felt that way before the deaths, then you have to know that in long term relationships there are going to be times when you're not happy. Because there are so many moments when you have to force yourself to settle for things you might ordinarily not want to settle for and there are things that you have to do without because of your significant other.





Try hanging in there for just a little while to see if your state of mind might change. She might realize the same thing that you do...but she might accept it as part of a long term relationship that you guys start feeling more like friends and less like lovers because you've been together so long and that certain spark might be gone.How do you break up with someone you still love?
You don't. Read what you have written here and think about what you are saying. You are going through a very hard time right now and that can easily cloud your mind. The ones we love most are usually the ones who bare the brunt of our hardships.


No relationship is easy, but that's where determination and commitment come into play. Nothing is ever easy and sadly we tend to become too comfortable in our relationships as time goes by.


You are ready to be a dad, but you aren't ready to get married? Maybe she doesn't feel the same about being a mom, because she wants that stability of marriage before bringing a child into the world....wouldn't that make sense.


You said you love her and she's your best friend, but she isn't your partner...hmmmm? Maybe the two of you just need a little romance in your relationship. Try spicing things up a bit. Maybe if we worked as hard through out our relationship as we did to get our partners in the beginning that fire we created would never burn out.


Here's my advice...tonight when you go home. Look at your GF and picture her with someone else, whether intimately or just innocently on a date. If you suddenly feel a wrenching in your heart and stomach at the thoughts of her in someone else's arms, you know you can't leave. Talk to her and tell her how you are feeling...seek counseling in necessary to help with your depression and struggles in life. If thinking of her with someone else doesn't touch your heart in any way..well, there is no easy way to say good bye.


I really think you should take some time to sort out your feelings and try to give this relationship a chance. You seem to love each other very much and it is crazy to throw something away just because we are looking for an easy out. Think about it.....make sure you have no regrets before you walk away.





Good luck and God bless!!!
Sounds like you two have simply grown up, and grown apart. Common, How do you tell her? I have no idea.
It sounds to me that you are really confused right now. When we are in that mode, we tend to make harsh decisions and jump to conclusions that are not the best for us. I advice you, specially after everything you have been going through, to take a little break. From everything. You need tile alone to think and heal. Maybe visiting an old friend or relative will be helpful. Step back from the situation for a minute. You will be alright and I don't doubt you two love each other very much...good luck.
There's no painless way to do it. If you are sure about breaking up then better tell her everything that you have written in your question's background. For all you know, she might feel relieved after you told her.





I'd suggest you tell her through a letter and make sure that you are nowhere in sight when she reads it. This will give you a better chance to express everything that you feel and be completely/totally ';heard';. Plus it would give her time to process your message which would also give her enough time to think of what to say to you.