Is it time to break up with him?

The way I've decided to best describe my feelings for him is knowing we're not right each other, but loving him anyway. This guy is amazing--he's a total sweetheart, he's caring, he's funny, and he would do anything for me--but there are also bad things. Our phone conversations are filled with static, even after a week of not talking. We have nothing to say to each other any more. We fight a lot, and it's over stupid stuff. I try to be reasonable but he seems to be emotionally unstable. He'll begin by saying that I obviously don't care for him and then by the end of the conversation he'll be crying and telling me I'm right. We met at college and live 2 hours away from each other, so I understand that summer is difficult. I've never been a clingy person and often feel that I need a lot of ';me'; space; he feels the need to see me as frequently as possible. In the beginning, we got along famously. I was thrilled to find someone so like myself that was interested in me as much, if not more, as I was in him. The problems and fighting all seemed to begin after we said those three words: I love you. He said them to me before I said them to him...I told him that I wouldn't say it until I truly and wholeheartedly meant it (as I don't doubt he waited as well). And I did. We even acknowledged after a big fight that after saying I love you, things went downhill. During this revelation, he said ';Well I just have certain expectations of someone who tells me they love me.'; When asked what these expectations were, he refused to tell me, responding that he wanted me to do them because I wanted to, not because he wanted me to. He would often get upset that I didn't surprise him after classes or do ';cute'; things for him.


I've come to the conclusion that he is too immature right now to be in this relationship--but now the question becomes this: Do I wait out his immaturity and hope I can help him along the way? Or do I break up with him and let him learn things on his own?


I don't know if I have the heart to break up with him. It makes it even harder when he says things like ';I love you more than anything'; and ';I love you forever. I know we're right for each other, I can just feel it. I've never felt this way about anyone.'; I know it would crush him if I broke up with him, and I also know that he would try relentlessly to get me back (I've broken up with him previously). He's quite persistent. But I don't feel that we're right for each other. Everyone always says, ';When it's right, you'll KNOW.'; But then how can one person ';know'; and the other know it's not right?


We both care about each other a lot, and the fights are small. We're both 20 years old, and we've only been dating for 7 months. Any advice?Is it time to break up with him?
I would suggest a time-out. Tell him that you need a solid month of no contact. No phone calls, no visits, no notes, nothing. Explain to him that if he can not respect this, then you will end it. Tell him that after the month ends, you will re-evaluate how you feel and if you think you can continue in the relationship. In order to help him deal with the idea, explain to him that you won't be seeing anyone else during that time. Since you are away from him over this summer, it is a good opportunity to see how you both will really feel about not being together. It sounds like you are somewhat torn, so this may help. There is a book I believe is called ';Obsessive Love'; that sounds a lot like what you're going through. It sounds like the problem stems from his expectations not being met, and because of it he becomes miserable. You aren't a mindreader. After the month, you may be in a better place to make a decision. Good Luck.Is it time to break up with him?
well u need our time.. i feel u on that! like idk like i love my girl and i can do things that she would be able to do with me.. but sometime idf rather do em alone.. its just a mental thing.. and in doing that it helps me stay calm and mantain a relationship.. like id sounds like you guys spent a lot of time togerher and then started getting used to each other and have been fighting.. maybe u guys needa stop communicating for a week er so and then start back up after that.. u dnt needa break up or go on break.. just take a break from each other..
oh no u need to let that be those are signs of control..he uses emotional hurt to let u down and then when u tell him u love him and he believes u have to have certain standards..no..plus it does seem like he has a immature mind set...he uses i love u cuz he knows u will come running back to him just so he can let u down
OMG! I have the same problem, except it's been 9months. But yeah we fight alot, and then he will end up saying ';I'm sorry, i love you'; and all of that. It's cute%26amp; i love him too, but i don't know. This happend the other night. To be honest i bet your afraid to break it, because of all the time you spent together; that's the way i feel too. Whenever we have come close to or actually broke up, he said ';We have been together for this long and your just going to end it?'; Which of course make's you feel cruel. But don't think just about how you have been together for 7months, think about how the 7months have been. Not just the bad things but think about all the time%26amp; you will know!


Good Luck :)


Chelle
first of all you need to tell your bf that if he dosnt like the way you love him then it dosnt mean you dont love him. he needs to understand this. i know from experience why his doing what his doing. your right in sayin he loves you, so if you really love him then you should also understand that if somebody dosnt love you the way you want him to, then dosnt mean he dosnt. if you do love him so much do the things he wants...thats what love is about....keeping the other happy....


ya so suck it up talk to him.....communication will get you through..tell him how you feel....tell him your problems....COMMUNICATE..my advice dont break up...love is hard to find...
That's a tough spot to be in! But i think if you have to ask yourself this question ( as well as total strangers online ) you probably already know the answer.





Someone who truly loves you wouldn't say things like ';well i have certain expectations of someone who tells me they love me';. If he really loved you as much as he says he does, he would except you for you not for what he wants you to be. He seems immature from what you say. Hopefully he'll grow out of it in time but do you really want to spend your summer constantly fighting with him?





You are 20 years old. You should be out having fun! Not worrying about your immature needy boyfriend...... in my opinion.