How to avoid retaliation and complications when breaking up with someone?

December 10th is coming up quickly. This is the date when I am supposed to fly out to Siberia with my boyfriend for a month.


His father, cousin and other family members have put an unnecessary amount of work into getting me my visa, and I have spent about $300 for it.


My boyfriend bought me a ticket about a month ago and it cost about $1100.


Since then his attitude towards me was down straight awful. He would leave in the middle of the night and be gone for hours, or he’d come home around 1 or 2 am, he would constantly criticize me, snap at me, kick me out of a room, house, car, he would let me know that he doesn’t care about me, and he would justify his mean words by saying that when a person is angry it is normal to want to hurt the other person as much as possible (a view which I disagree with), it I started a conversation, asked a question, or share thoughts I would inevitably start a fight (in his view), but if I kept quiet and to myself he would get even angrier.


He has never hit me or hurt me physically, he wouldn’t get to that point, but his verbal and emotional abuse is becoming constant. He is very impatient and selfish when it comes to people close to him (mostly family), but he is a reliable, inspiring, fun sweetheart with people whom he considers friends or acquaintances. He explains this disparity of behavior by saying that people who are supposed to be close to him must know his likes and dislikes and be on the “same page” with him (mind reading) at all times. A year ago, his verbal and emotional abuse was sporadic, and he always managed to spark a sense of hope for a brighter future, and make me fall in love with him all over again.


His family members are very supportive of this relationship, and I have the feeling that they see us married one day.


His mother justifies him by saying that he is simply under a lot of stress from school (he is finishing up his master’s) and work. However I am also finishing my masters in Canada (I cross the border once or twice a week), I have two jobs, and my support system (family and friends) are so far away they live in different time zones!


He may have been a sweetheart before we got together, but he is not anymore, and I no longer want to waste my time in this drama.


Should I tell him that I am not going with him, transfer the lease of the place we live in to his name (same with all the bills), look for a new place and move out when he is gone?


What dangers/obstacles/retaliation do you think I should look out for, and how to avoid them?





Thanks in advance for your suggestions!How to avoid retaliation and complications when breaking up with someone?
Why dont you tell him





tell him





if he keeps acting this way your leaving.


and dont expect me to come back to you





going to siberia with him if hes always pissy . well thats gonna make a HORRIBLE trip full of drama.


why dont you temporarily move in with a friend til he changesHow to avoid retaliation and complications when breaking up with someone?
I'm worried for you as he could get violent. Can you transfer the lease to him now, before you confront him. Literally you need to get bags backed and hidden. Bills paid joint accounts stopped. He and his family will try very hard to change your mind. DON'T. Good Luck and don't look back.
When you break up with him, make a pledge to him that you will pay him make for the amount of the ticket that can't be reimbursed as soon as you can.





And tell him to tell his family that you are grateful to them for their help but things haven't worked out.





If he doesn't pass on the message, then the day after you break up call his father, cousin and family members and thank them for their effort for the visa, but tell them that despite all your efforts as a couple things broke down too far between you and your now ex boyfriend.