Breaking up with someone with Boarderline Personality disorder. ?

I have been dating someone with BPD for the last year and my life has been a living hell. We have had so many fights broke up 20 times got engaged. We did it all. We tried to go to therapy together but it didn't work out and our therapist told her that he didn't want to see her anymore because he wasn't ';properly trained'; for her BPD. I really love her so much and she was everything i could ever want for the first 6 months. Then all the crap came out her eating disorder, burns herself, really highs and lows, and just madness. Now that we are broken up she is telling everyone that I cheated on her and gave her Aids, called all my friends girlfriends and told them that my friends were cheating on them, on and on. Has anyone else ever dealt with this kind of behavior? She keeps texting me and hitting me right where it counts. She knows just how to get me down as well. But then throws out '; i love you can i come over'; How do i deal with this. I used to have self worth but now im almost where she is at. I have no confidence and feel like i have to be with her. It's hard because all the crap she puts me through and then i just want her back. If any of you have ever dealt with this how did you get over it? what do i do? Please help!!!!Breaking up with someone with Boarderline Personality disorder. ?
If she is doing this before you are married imagine what it will be like once you get married. I understand you think you love her now, but think about it a little bit before you step forward. My suggestion would be delete her from your phone, change your locks so she can't get it, tell your friends she is a moron, etc. Make sure you have no contact with her whatsoever. You will not be happy with this woman unless she gets help, and you have tried to get her help and she is not accepting it, so leave the *****,Breaking up with someone with Boarderline Personality disorder. ?
Cut her out of your life but more importantly don't slag her off to people..just move on.





If someone asks about all the crazy stuff shes doing just say shes having a hard time %26amp; it's personal. It sounds like she's really playing you into her whole drama.





If it were me, I would change my number %26amp; cease to have anything to do with her.
Being a borderline is very hard. I am one. If you don't want to see her or talk to her let it down easy. Us borderlines have a hard time having any kind of relationships. Unfortunately don't be rude or hateful because that will make it worse. She most of had a traumatic life experience that no one knows about because that's how some people deal with the hurts. No one chooses to have borderline personality it just happens. I wouldn't look down on them because its a illness just like diabetes. Just distance yourself!
';i have to be with her. It's hard because all the crap she puts me through and then i just want her back.'; may well mean that you have become dependent on her, to some extent. BPD is addressed in section 15, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and self esteem/confidence in section 38. Be aware that, because of their upbringing, people suffering from BPD tend to see things in terms of black and white, rather than shades of grey, and often idealise, then devalue, in relationships. They also tend to have a great fear of abandonment, and sometimes go to extreme lengths to prevent it. A tendency to abuse alcohol and/or drugs, or high risk activities may be present.





Use the locators, in section 1, at ezy build, and the phone book, to find a therapist who uses Dialectical Behavio(u)ral Therapy, or get a good book on the subject, and give to a therapist using Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy (fairly common, and probably nearby) and ask that it be incorporated into your treatment. Read ';I hate you: don't leave me.'; by Jerold J. Kreisman, m.d. and Hal Stras. A workbook that offers good coping skills is Marsha Linehan's Skills Training Manual (a DBT Workbook). You could try http://www.amazon.com/ for these. View: http://www.2knowmyself.com/uieforum?c=sh鈥?/a>





Firmly resolve now to stop thinking about her, and use the negative thought reprogramming technique. When you notice something negative, such as: ';I'm never going to get over this!'; or: ';Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser?'; or even: ';I can't do this/will never get over this!';, or a disturbing image, recognise that this is part of the mindset which will hold you back from progressing in your recovery. Having identified and labelled it, visualise a large red ';STOP!'; sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: ';I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!'; You may want to use either: ';ruse';, ';ploy';, ';game';, or ';trick';, instead of ';tactic';. In the case of an image, visualise a large ';STOP'; sign, or your preferred version.





Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Make yourself exercise, and go out, even if you don't enjoy it, at first: it will provide one way of stopping you from thinking about your present life situation. You could write a letter, expressing your feelings about it, and either put it in the post, unaddressed, or have a ceremony, and burn it safely in a metal container, and flush the ashes down the toilet, thereby symbollically putting an end to it.





RELATIONSHIPS: go to http://www.relationshiptalk.net/forums/a鈥?/a> and http://www.relationshipweb.com and http://www.relationship-affairs.com/your鈥?/a> and BOARDS, at http://www.mental-health-today.com/ptsd/鈥?/a> I suggest that you seek therapy, yourself, and consider sending her both the above books, with advice to see a DBT therapist, and not to contact you any more; that you have been burnt badly, and have no intention of putting your hand in the fire ever again!





I suggest that you try at least 3 new therapists, and initially select one you feel most comfortable with, because a good degree of rapport (which takes time to build) can help a lot, with therapy. Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ %26amp; http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites, and use the locators, there, and/or in the index page of section 1, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris (and phone book, but only if necessary). Personally, I'd select a clinical psychologist who believes in only recommending minimal necessary medication, if at all, because they don't issue prescriptions, so are considerably less likely to be involved with the rewards, and inducements offered by sales reps from ';big pharma';: the large drug companies, to psychiatrists.
It sounds to me like you are already broken up.. truth is, there are some people in the world that no matter what you do or try to do, how you try to help them or work out a situation, it is impossible. Some people are impossible to deal with. Bottom line, there are people in the world that are just downright crazy and there is nothing that you can do to prevent them from doing what they are going to. As for her telling people that she knows things about you, people with sense probably realize that she is a nutcase and disregard what she says. I don't understand why someone would go around telling people that they had AIDS, anyhow. She wants attention in an extreme way, I would just try to avoid her at all costs. Easier said than done, I realize. Good luck.